My Two Bits on How Relationships are a Rainbow of Experiences

27 Single. Double-Graduate. Cooks delicious food. I guess I got it covered — does my profile on the newest matchmaking website need any more details? Hahaha, I am only joking. I love my life — but that doesn’t mean many others are happy being single with a ton of amazing friends. A lot of people in their late-20s are on the lookout (or, hunt?) for the perfect life partner with an imaginary turban in hand to see where it fits best. And those that are in long-term relationships are dreading the 7-year itch — the moment where one realizes, they have lost interest in the relationship, not their significant other. Beats me.

I mean, if you love someone, it would mean through thick and thin right? The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the crazy, the patient, volcanoes and earthquakes included?

For better or for worse is now a whole different ballgame from what it was a few decades ago. Our parents, and grandparents, came from an era where relationships began with a meet-cute and went on to making one another smile — with flowers, or a pastry, or a sweet-sweet letter. Soldiers would spend years together away from their beloveds — communicating only through letters. Active duty, made relationships an ordeal — a test of time and love. At the time, meeting each other in public would be considered a courtship — each one’s parents were aware, there was only verbal intimacy and meetings were over a coffee or walk in the park.

How dramatically the times have changed! Today, we have Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Match, Happn, and god knows a hundred more — meet online, talk online, see each other for drinks and ……. Poof, that was quick and ended even faster. Entertainment is preferred over commitment, and marriages are a social affair. But this is not all. The concept of affection has evolved greatly over time. We have been introduced to so much diversity, so many other avenues of ‘love’. The time for seeing each other & eventually marrying them due to social pressure and norms is over. We find love in different ways — it’s basically a journey to discovering what works best for us — as individuals. There’s no rule book to finding love. We, as human beings, simply want someone to adore us for who we are, at our worst or at our best. And sometimes, more often than not, it is a tiresome journey.

There was a time that interracial marriages were a taboo. For someone in our country, to marry into a family that does not fit into a certain income bracket — was social suicide — even is today, in certain cities & states. But when we look at this from a broader perspective — look how far we have come. We have interracial relationships, adoration between same-sex couples, there is gender-fluidity, and there is the traditional heterogeneous relationship method. Whatever the way, love is all around us — physically, emotionally, spiritually. Children today, are raised with the thought to love one and all — there is no one kind of love. There are exclusive relationships, and there are open marriages — everyone finds pieces that fit their puzzles of life.

The time of being together, only for the sake of children, is over. The way there are parental responsibilities, there are also professional responsibilities — after all, how is your kid going to eat? Or more importantly, how will your kid go to school? Some couples are far away from the traditional concept of bearing their own children, and prefer to adopt a child — why bring one of our own, when we can give a homeless child a future? A revolutionizing thought process — yet to be accepted in many circles. A friend of mine, in his late 30s has been in a 15-year long relationship with his beloved — and they have just now gotten married. A lovely, lovely affair to see! And even better is the fact that, instead of having their own child, they are parents to Mojo — their playful, fluffy retriever. Who said a parent has to be only for a human child?

While traditional marriages are on a worldwide decline, unmarried cohabitation is rising exponentially. Why? Because many individuals consider a relationship to be just two people, together, building a life, a home. It doesn’t need to be labelled, it doesn’t need to be legalized — and in my honest opinion, the legalizing does not necessarily have to involve heavy costs — I mean, do we really want to keep inviting more than 500 people just to enjoy a plate of Shahi Paneer only to have it criticized at the end? Umm, not really, I don’t think so. Two people, in their own non-legalized union, have a much better chance at independence — at the freedom to say yes when they want to, and no when they don’t want to. There is no binding that says ‘you are my better half, so you only get half!’ at the sour end of a legal courtship & eventual marital union.

But then again, if you see the other side of marriage — it is a sense of meaning, it gives the power of exclusivity for one over the other. A direction that says ‘now this is your life, you have responsibilities, and this is how you have to go about it’. There are protections in place in cases of infidelity, domestic abuse, and so on and so forth — I refrain from writing this too much. Simply put, marriage gives one a sense of security and trust — that says — I am yours and you are mine, we are one another’s and what we do has an impact on our relationship.

So, at the end of the day, relationships are a kaleidoscope of experiences, choices and preferences. No man is for a woman, and no woman is for a man. We just have to find our way home with someone to hold by our side. There are always a band of therapists and counselors (sometimes, known as friends) that help a confused one, a lost one, a hurt one; and other times, we have parents to guide us and love us for whoever we are, and however we choose to live with another. The goal is to stay happy, however you manage to do it. There is zero judgement when there is only love. There is no sure shot checklist: if someone can hold conversations with you, make you laugh, get you smiling on a down day, and promise to be with you through thick and thin — go with it. Even if it eventually breaks your heart, it was an experience that taught you for the future. You never know, it may be the one thing that saves you in a world as cruel as ours.