He looks at the darkness before him – the forest was dense and quiet as the night. Clueless, he walked through it for miles and she followed him everywhere. She is his wand and he is her magic. She is a wish, he her wish-list.
He stands on the cliff of a mountain and stares at the sky which is full of stars. Looking back, he searches for her. She is nowhere to be seen, but a pleading voice comes floating from afar.
“I don’t want to die.’’
Ved woke up with a jerk realizing that he was dreaming again. This was the fifth time he had the same dream. What was queer was that, the dream would abruptly halt at the same point every time. The first few times, he never really gave a second thought to it but slowly and eventually, it started haunting him. He looked around the room and groped to find the light switch. Seconds later the cell phone vibrates and a familiar number flashes on the screen. Gauging the urgency of the caller from the 6 missed calls notification on the screen, he reluctantly answers the phone.
“You there?’’ came the tensed query from the other side.
“Yes. I have a day off. Why?”
“It’s patient number 143. She wants to see you and she refuses to take her meal.”
“I am sure you can manage without me”, he said as he rubbed the sleep off his eyes.
“We have tried everything to manage the situation but she refuses to listen. She wants to see you. We have tried to give her medicines but things are beyond our control now.”
He knew what she meant. This is the very thing with the doctors. You have your duties which are bound by principles that you can never ignore. Somehow, he could never complain about all this. He knew this part of his profession right from the day he took the oath. It was around 1 am and it was November. He wore his black sweat shirt and tanned jeans, looked into the mirror and managed to smile back at it. He grabbed his
car keys from the table along with a bottle of kinley and left his apartment.
It has been 11 years since he was living in Mumbai and somehow the place mesmerised him with its serenity, every time he stepped out at night. He came to Mumbai when he was 19, determined to fulfil his dreams. The city has its own way of drawing people towards itself. At around 2.00 am he reached the hospital, signed the register and without delay, made his way towards ward 143. The moment he reached his destination the rebellious voice coming from inside it, gained a face.
“I told you, I will not eat unless he is here.’’
As he entered the room, the nurse approached him and quickly handed over the meal. “Thank god!’’ she muttered and left the room.
Her disappointment vanished as the twenty-six-year-old saw doctor Ved. She smiled at him in her own childish way. For some unknown reason she too could manage to make Ved smile. He felt a deep affection towards her and how strangely the both could connect.
“You should have had your meal. It’s pretty late’’.
She looked at him. Her eyes always seemed to sparkle. Ved had never failed to see that.
She has pretty eyes. He thought.
“I want to tell you something’’, she said adamantly. He gave her the food that the nurse has bought.
“Is it a secret?’’ he asked as if they were like teenagers sharing class gossips during lunch hour at school.
She nodded at gestured to him that someone else was there in the room. Ved looked around to see that the nurse had returned. Just like an old school girl determined not to let her secret be revealed to anyone but only to that one person, she literally asked Ved to make her leave the room with only her eyes. She made it so obvious that the nurse left the room in an instant.
Ved looks back at her. “What is it?’’
“Do you have a girlfriend?” She asks almost going red at the same time. Ved surely didn’t know how to answer this. Ever since he has passed medical college he has only taken his work seriously. In fact, he had nothing so much as a personal life. A 28-year-old man with no family. Yet, this question was at once embarrassing for him to answer. Without waiting for his reply, she said, “I have
someone.” This came all at once and it was more surprising. It had been more than a week that Katherine was admitted and she had never been visited by any of her family members.
“I was fifteen when I first met him. I felt as if I could live my entire life with him.”
“Was he your classmate?” Realizing that Katherine had entered her own world.
“No.’’
“Your neighbour?’’
“No.”
“Then?”
“I was six when my mother left my dad. I had no clue for what reason, but I could only hear daddy sobbing in his sleep for weeks. We were once a happy family where we laughed, loved
and cared for one another. It was only when daddy’s business went downhill that mum left us both. For the next three weeks, I could find daddy sitting in the balcony waiting for my mother to come back who never bothered to know about us. Daddy would often tell me that mom would come back. But I knew she would not. She wouldn’t have left in the first place, if she cared. Daddy would often lose control and break down. There was one incident I happen to remember clearly. It was November morning and I got up for school when I could not find daddy anywhere. After looking for him everywhere, I saw him standing in the balcony and talking to someone. As I stepped out, I could see no one. I asked him who he was talking to. He said he was talking to mummy. I got a little scared, as I could not see mummy anywhere. I got more scared when he said, ‘Krist, make
believe, because even the strangest of the things happens if you believe’.
I went off to school. In the evening when I came back, I saw daddy speaking to someone again. At first, I felt he has gone mad and later in the evening he asked me whether I missed mommy at all. I could never reply to this because I was so full of anger that I never wanted to see her again. We both tried hard to cope up with things. Daddy, would often tell me stories on love, magic and mom. I could feel how happy he was when he spoke about mommy.
I was in the third standard when my neighbours started talking about daddy. They called him names and in a small span of time daddy’s antics and his speaking to himself, scared them. This was another reason I had no friends. So, often I was bullied at school. I used to lock myself in a room and pretend that I had someone who really cared for me. Here is the strangest thing. You might think I have gone completely crazy but this was the time when I felt that may be I was normal like everyone. I was thirteen and I should have been worried about spots, bras and pimples. Yet, I was afraid that I might end up alone. As the days passed, I would pretend that I had this imaginary friend with me. At first it was just a person who my mind weaved in quiet oblivion but slowly it took the shape of someone real. He was so real that I could touch his hands and feel his heartbeat. Although, he only appeared when I closed my eyes. We shared each and everything. I could only remember what daddy told me that the strangest things could happen if I believed in them. So doc, I need a favour from you.”
What happened next was something Ved couldn’t fathom.
“I think she needs counselling, Dr Bharti.”
“What favour does she need from you?”
Ved took a few moments before he could answer.
“She is asking for the ultimate sleep. She thinks she can only reunite with the person she loves, if she gets her ultimate sleep.”
“You mean Euthanasia?” Dr Bharti said.
“I don’t want to think so,’’ Ved was only wary about the concept in theory.
“It is. What she is asking for is mercy killing. It is an act of putting someone to death painlessly or simply allowing them to die.”
“What am I supposed to do, Dr Bharti?’’
“Talk to her. Make her love her life. May be that way she would or might change her mind.”
The next few hours were spent trying to convince Katherine to see the better side of life, but each time she made it more difficult for him.
“Do you believe in love, doc?’’
“No.”
“Then it’s hard for you to understand.” she smiled.
“Katherine you are talking about someone who does not exist. You are just twenty-six. Maybe we can think of something. You are stuck to your past. I understand you have gone through a terrible childhood but then all these years you have fought hard
and…survived. You can’t possibly live your life with closed eyes.”
Katherine didn’t reply. For the next hours Ved tried every bribe and every temptation to convince her. It was a waste of doctor hours and soon he gave up
Ved confided everything to Dr. Bharti who was a senior doctor and was much experienced.
“Hello, Ved. Come in.’’ Dr Bharti said to a defeated Ved standing outside her cabin.
“Any progress with Katherine?’’ Ved asked.
“She is suffering from schizophrenia. The most surprising thing is we tried to contact her school… you know…to have a word with the Principal. She told me all her years she had no friends. Today, in the morning, I asked her to sketch something for me.” Ved handed
over a paper to her. The shocked expression from the time Katherine gave him the sheet, had not left his face. Dr Bharti smiled as she took a look.
The sketch she saw was of him.
“If you see it in a different way, you will understand that her imaginary friend is someone she is most comfortable with. She found her comfort zone in you.”
“Doctor!’’ the nurse called from outside, “Patient number 143… it’s an emergency!” Without any further delay he rushed to Katherine. Katherine was shaking. She had tried to remove her oxygen mask. Katherine had been suffering from cancer. Ved tried to calm her down. He gave her the injection before he could think of doing anything else. ‘’I don’t want to die, doc’’ a delirious
Katherine mutters before she lets go of her grip.
That night, when Ved returned home, he had a hard time falling asleep. Was all the drama for real? The moment he closed his eyes, he could see Katherine’s face. He woke up with a start. Did he just feel for her too? If only he knew the answer. He took out the sleeping pills lying inside the drawer beside and stared at the open sky outside. At the very moment, he could hear a voice resonating from behind.
“Make believe, doc.. because even the strangest of the things happen if you believe’’.
Written by Poonam Chatterjee
I am the 27 -year-old budding author, pet lover, and foodie. From a tender age of ten, I found my calling in the written word and since then, has been scribbling away my unconventional ideas, sometimes in the last pages of notebooks and sometimes on online blogs. Writing gives me happiness like no other thing.
Week 6, January 2021
